Through Daddy’s Eyes

My husband Mike wrote this during his recent stay with Jesse in PICU.

I asked him if I could share his words, and he told me that was his intention, but wasn’t sure how to get it on the blog. He wanted to share his view point. I’m really glad that he has wanted to do this.

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After July  2008, my goal as a father was to be the best DADDY I could be.  I have 2 precious little girls that I adore more than a DADDY can.  They are my angels!  I feel that I am the luckiest DADDY in the world.  

My wife, who is also my best friend, is the most strong willed person I know.  Most husbands are portrayed as the ROCK of the family, but in my family my wife is the ROCK!  She carries so much on her shoulders with the utmost respect.  

On November 2, 2010 both of our shoulders were put to the test.  My 2 year old “baby angel” was diagnosed with cancer.  My first thought when the doctor told us was that my “baby angel” was going to die.  

My tears would not stop.  I remember laying with “baby angel” in her hospital bed and her looking at me with those big brown eyes and asking me “Daddy, why are you crying?”  For the first time, I had no answer for her.  As I lay there the thoughts were running through my head to be strong for my ROCK.

The next thing I knew she was holding me, assuring me that we were going to get through this.  That night we stayed awake trying to figure out why this happened.  Again, I had no answers.  

Once we knew how the whole treatment process was going to work, my ROCK sprang into action!  She began to lead our family into the next stage of our lives.

The first time I put my “baby angel” in her car seat that Monday morning for her first chemo treatment, she saw me cry for the second time.  This time my “baby angel” did not ask me why, she pulled me close to her and said “Daddy, please don’t cry I’m going to be ok!”  Then she kissed me on the cheek and said “I love you Daddy!”  

At that moment an unexplainable peace came over me.  I thought how blessed I was to know that my “baby angel” displayed the same strengths and will as my ROCK!  

That night after work, I went home to be with my first “little angel”.  I could tell she was struggling with what was going on, so I asked her if she was ok?  She then looked at me with the most concerned look I’ve ever seen in my life and asked “Daddy, is my little sister going to die?”  I CRUMBLED!  I’ve never fought so hard to hold back my emotions.  All I could do was hug her.  That was a question I was too scared to answer.

Over the next months seeing the strength that both my “angels” had developed, encouraged me greatly.  Whether witnessing “baby angel” handle another treatment or watching my “little angel” cope with the fact that her family is apart.  

One particular night before another hospital stay I saw “baby angel” consoling her older sister and saying “It’s ok sissy, I’ll be back home in a week!”  Although my “baby angel” weighs heavy on my heart, it is more strenuous when my family is apart.

We’ve learned as a family to take one day at a time and enjoy the simple moments that were once taken for granted.  Even if it is just a weekend, it feels great to see my “angels” together, whether they are bickering or playing, it doesn’t matter.  “Through Daddy’s Eyes” they will always be my “angels”!  

We are now in the final stages of “baby angel’s” treatments.  I would be lying if I said I will not continue to worry after all of this stage in our lives is complete.  

The truth is that this is something my family will always live with!  Even though this year has been the hardest test my family has endured, there is still a smile on my face every night we are home together. 

This cancer that my “baby angel” has is feared by all, but “Through Daddy’s Eyes” has created a family bond that absolutely NOTHING can destroy!  Thank you to my ROCK for being the most solid thing in my life! I LOVE YOU!!